Holy C*AP!!!!!! This kid is copying EVERYTHING I say!!!!!!

Happy Hump Day!!!! I hope that today, you get a chance to breathe for a second, knowing that the work week is almost over. Wait! Who are we kidding right? With a blackberry or I- phone or fax and I-pad, we are always, Always, ALWAYS working, aren’t we????!!!  Just NOT while driving (I hope).  Oh! And thank you for sharing your Mama Stories with me!! I appreciate them SO much!

FYI- ALL MOMS are cool in some way,,, ya gotta remember that- because someday, you will be walking around in your life, something will happen, and you will know HOW TO HANDLE it, why? BECAUSE your Mama taught you too :)
So there!

My topic for this week: Holy C*AP!!!!!! This kid is copying EVERYTHING I say!!!!!!

Oh boy!! Guess who now has a little baby parrot?  Me, that’s who!!!!!!!
Normally, this is not a major deal for moms but, for me it is a little extra awful!!!!
Why you ask?  Well, because I, Constance Marie, am one of the BIGGEST POTTY MOUTHS I know!!!!!!!! :(
Honestly, I’m pretty bad and compulsive about it.  Especially if I am tired.

In my defense, I’ve tried to quit for years! It has been my New Years resolution for like 7 years in a row!!!
I had to pay my TV children TONS of money in fines for having this mouth! And, I HAVE gotten a little better but I still have a long way to go! :(
It isn’t fair, I am an entertainer for gosh sakes!!! It’s sort of an occupational hazard.  I deserve a lil bit of a break right? I mean, you try working around crews, transportation drivers and stage hands for 12-16 hours a day!  I mean ya might as well just hang out at a truck stop! And add to that, the fact that I worked with a frikkin stand- up comedian for years!!!!!!!!!
Oops! I did it again.

FYI- there are no people more potty mouthed! And the worst part? Comedians make it funny!!! So what do I do when I’m working with them?  Well,, I try to join in and when I can, I try to top them of course!!!!!!  Trust me, there is nothing more rewarding than getting a comedian to laugh at you and say to you “Constance! That’s Gacho!” (Translation: Ghetto) And grimace at your comment. Trust me, when that happens it feels awesome!!!!

Now cut to: I am a Mom!  Now, I am doing comedy for a lil 19 month old baby who thinks I am hilarious!!!! Even when I curse accidentally she LOVES it and giggles her head off… (Of course, poor kid, she has nothing to compare it to- she doesn’t get to watch TV yet! She thinks I am brilliant! Ha!)

I try to be entertaining  while teaching her HOW to be a little girl in the world!
But every so often, when something happens,, Mommy goes off!

I also come from a long line of “Potty Mouths”.  I mean it, I once learned a phrase from my very own mother and it goes a lil something like this: Sh*t, Fu#k, Rat, Piss!
Hey!  Maybe it’s genetic???

I USED to think it would be cute if Luna Marie’s first word was “Sh*t!” But now, I see the other babies, who are speaking A LOT more then her, and they are cursing like crazy! Thank God Luna Marie is learning English and Spanish simultaneously so she is a little slower.  I have a little more time to clean up my act!!

As a Mom, I have begun to think about the future. :/ What about school? Playgroups? The fact that maybe other kids might not being allowed to hang out with my little miss because her mommy is teaching her bad words!!! GEEZ!!!!! My work never ends!

Now I am on a mission.
I changed my inherited rant that my mother taught me, to the word “Crap!”…. Which was a start but, then I thought, “Dah-mit! Luna Marie could get in trouble in Toddler Group for even saying that!”  So now it is “Cap!”
(Cut me a break, I really am trying.)
It SO doesn’t feel as good but, I do love that baby.

Of course, I say the word “Cap!” with such intensity that Luna Marie still thinks it is hilarious……now I just gotta come up with clean cuss words for all the rest! Oh boy! Got any ideas??? I would appreciate ANY advice.!! Wish me luck!
:)
CM

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34 Responses to Holy C*AP!!!!!! This kid is copying EVERYTHING I say!!!!!!

  1. Heike Meinert says:

    Hi Constance,
    I laughed a lot at your Story … ;)
    Maybe you could try as a “clean” word “Mist”, which is German for Sh*t.
    Good luck with that & best wishes from me!
    :)

  2. Jay Morrissey says:

    Very nice story…you are a great actress. Keep doing what you’re doing!

  3. victoria araujo says:

    That is so funny I went through a similar situation with swearing. So I started saying “Oh doodles” and one day we were in Costco and I knocked over a big stack of clothes and I said “OH doodles” and I swear everyone looked at me like I was crazy.But my 4 year old and 3 year old have never said a swear word.

  4. corevoice says:

    “corn nuts” has a funny ring to it… as in “”awww… corn nuts!”… then there’s always “tartar sauce!” ala Spongebob… or “dang”, “fudge” and ummm… “dang skippy!” was always a personal favorite…

  5. corevoice says:

    oh yeah… don’t forget “dagnabit” …

  6. Brooke says:

    I’m having the same issue right now. I work some place that this is just part of life. \Shoot!\ is very popular now and my 27m old is saying now. \Oh my gosh\ too. She says these with such conviction it cracks me up, but it WAY better than what she could be saying! But you’re SO right, saying stuff like this just doesn’t feel as good, but we do love our babes :)

  7. Marlen says:

    I love your blog!!! Keep it up!!
    I’ve been using the following words around my 20 month old son – Silly=stupid & Fudge=F*ck.
    Good Luck!

  8. Rebecca says:

    I love your blog and followed it from people.com! Little Luna Marie is so cute and I enjoy reading everything you write. Keep them coming, I never miss a week and don’t even have kids :/

  9. paunie says:

    HI Constance,
    I don’t know if you watch South Park, but there’s a character there name Butters. He’s the only one of the kids on the show that doesn’t use curse words. When he wants to curse, he says something like “Cheeseburgers” as a curse word. Maybe that might help you somewhat on the cursing. Also a funny show. I’m a new mom also and have to watch my language,good thing my little one is slow on the language deveolpment(learning Enlish,Indian and Laotion) gives hubby and I some time to clean up our act. I love your blog!! you are awesome.

  10. Janice says:

    I love, love, love your blog and look forward to it every week! The potty mouth habit is definitely a hard one to break. The phrase that a co-worker and I came up with is “jingle pixie!” – emphasis on one or both words, however the mood strikes you. :) It works great with the kids and I find it to be a wonderfully stress-relieving substitute. Best wishes with your beautiful lil girl.

  11. KRISTIN says:

    My husband and I are horrible when it comes to our potty mouth. Our six yr old never really picked it up by my three yr old is repeating everything. So we now say “ocean” in two syllables like o-cean for “oh sh*t” and “shut the front door” instead of most other bad swear words. She thinks it is so cute and now goes around the house saying both just to be funny. That is probably one of the cutest videos I have of her now on my phone. lol

  12. Lilly says:

    Hi Constance! I love reading your blog every week! I’m a college student and not a mom yet, but I work at a summer camp and babysit for 2 and 5 year old girls, 4 and 7 year old boys, and I have loads of little cousins, so the cussing thing is something I’m used to now. At camp, our Director had the staff saying :

    Sugar Honey Iced Tea= shit (a mouthful yes, but it works)
    Dang/Dang it= Damn/dammit
    Eff/effing/what the eff= f*ck/f*cking/what the f*ck

    I hope those help!

  13. Beverly says:

    haha, good post. One day I said, “What the…” and my daughter finished it off with “hell.” Real great!

    I say “God Bless” alot when I get the urge to cuss. Example: Someone cuts in front of me in traffic – “GOD BLESS!” Probably not good ’cause I’m taking the Lord’s name in vain, or whatever that rule is, but it’s better than the others.

    Also, instead of b*tch I say biscuit.

  14. Krista says:

    Hi Constance! I have a potty mouth too
    I was watching a show and the character would say Puppy Tails instead of the S word or F word I thought that was cute and totally baby appropriate.

    So it went something like this she tripped coming down the stairs and said “Puppy Tails!”

  15. Amber says:

    Cute blog this week :) My son isn’t quite at the parrot stage yet but I already have toned down my swearing, not even entirely on purpose. I say “Shoot” and “Sugar” a lot instead of sh!t, and of course “Fudge” to avoid the F-bomb. I’m also fond of “Balls” when frustrated, and “Cheese & rice” as opposed to Jesus Christ.

    Now just to get Daddy and Nanny to cut down on their swearing :P

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  17. Heather says:

    I love your blog! I am the mom of 2 little girls, one 3 and the other 13mo. I, after working in a factory and having a sailor for a dad, have a pretty good potty mouth on me too! I like to say, “Oh Himalayas” This is usually followed by someone say, “yeah they are a mountain range in Asia, what’s your point?” Then I laugh and forget (most times) about the thing that made me want to swear!

    Good Luck!

  18. Sydney says:

    Awesome story Constance!!! It made me laugh because my cousin Riley is 3 years old, and my aunt has a bad potty mouth so my cousin picks up on it. Riley hasn’t said the F bomb yet(thank god!!) but she has said words and phrases like “It’s so frig*en hot outside”, “sh*t”, and “holy cr*p” I wish you luck with Luna Marie and try these phrases like “holy shaving cream”, “what the heck?”, and “dang it!!” Good luck with everything and looking forward to next weeks blog!!! :)

  19. Alana says:

    Hi Constance! I take advice from none other than the Orbit Gum commercial. My husband and I have really picked up on the “what the french toast” one! Here’s how it goes, you can pick or choose a good “swear” word:

    Wife says: You son of a biscuit eating bulldog

    Husband says: What the french toast

    Wife says: Did you think I would not find about your little doo doo head cootie queen

    Mistress says: Who are you calling a cootie queen, you lint licker

    Wife says : Pickle you QomQuat

    Husband says: Your overreacting

    Wife says: No, Bill over reacting was when I put your convertible into a wood chipper Stinky Mc Stink face

    Mistress says : You Hoboken

  20. Jodie says:

    I’m in the same boat as you, but I have 3 boys (ages 11, 8, and 3). My 3-year-old curses all the time and he learned it from me. I just get all worked up sometimes and it just comes out. I use to work in a factory and I call it my factory mouth! I wish I had an answer on what to do, but I need advice as well.

  21. Jodie says:

    Oh, I forgot about something else. When kids are about 3 (at least in my experience) they start talking about poop, butts, pee pee, etc…. It’s kind of embarrassing. Let’s just hope girls don’t do that as much as my boys do.

  22. Lavita says:

    It’s funny you brought up this topic. The other day I dropped something on the floor and said “Oh S**t” and sure enough my 20 month old repeated “Oh Sshh.” The next day I said “F**k” and my little parrot repeated it just as clear as day. As you would say…CAP i’m in trouble!!! Do they have support groups for Potty Mouth Mommies???

  23. Andrea says:

    so funny my son does that to?>

    Do you want anymore kids?

  24. Katena says:

    I’m so glad I’m not the only mommy dealing with this! My husband has been trying to get me to clean up my potty mouth since I was prego with baby #1 (who will turn 5 in a few weeks!) So I’ve learned Oh Fudgesticks, dagnabit, horse hockey, Oh my Gravy(from Rachael Ray) and Blessed Be! LOL! My girls are my police and My oldest gets after me now for saying stupid or anything ugly! (my 3 y.o. says No is a bad word!) So My girls keep me in line and I’m sure Luna will help keep you in line as well!

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  26. Morgan says:

    I like just switching letters around… ie; Nucking Futs. I also say fudgesicle, load, donkey…

  27. robert says:

    just want to say that i am a very big fan of yours and someday hope to meet you in person but im sure alot of people do i will always look forward to seeing you in new roles like goerge lopez selena and so on maybe your own citcom that would be great. keep up the good work

  28. Charles says:

    I really enjoyed your comments especially about your new baby and your struggle to stop swearing. It seems we all have had the same problem with our poor language. I spent almost 18 years in the USN, so poor language is not stranger to me. When I first try to stop cussing, I made an effort not to say certain words out loud; but unfortunately, that didn’t stop me from thinking the word or words. It was a long time before I was able to stop thinking the words. When that stopped, I knew I was successful. Sometimes I still say “damn” when I lower my guard, but that’s not often.

    Thanks for your comments on your daughter and career in your blog. By the way, I just purchased the first and second season of the George Lopez program. I don’t have cable or satellite to see older programs, so I thought I get the DVD’s

    Again thank you.

    Charles from Florida

  29. Kristine says:

    My son too is learning english and spanish so im comparison with other toddlers he is a bit slower at the talking and nevermind the swearing LOL. Bad habits are hard to kick but we can do it! :D
    Doesn’t it amaze you how at a young age children can already be bilingual “Hi Mami peeez (please) pone (put) shoes” :D !!!

  30. Colleen says:

    “Buckets!” My brother was a SAHD with 2 little ones and was caught saying “f— it” by his 2 year old. He covered it up with “bucket”, which sound like the original swear when my nephew said it, so it was changed to “buckets” or “oh buckets!”

  31. Mi says:

    Haha! I still swear in the 5 languages my parents swore in, “Mist!” (crap in German, as someone mentioned) and “Merde!” are still one of my favorites, and I am known to sometimes sweetly mutter “Sie Esel!” under my breath (Sie being the polite form of You in German, polite insults are strangely satisfying).

  32. Monica says:

    My most used are “Gosh darned it!”, “Dagnabit!”, and “Son of a Motherless Goat!” Of course I also you the standard “Freakin” and “Freakin A”. My daughter is 3 and definitely picks up on everything I say and how I say it. She told my mom, “You need to change my freakin diaper.” And even using clean words still comes back to haunt me. When a car cut us off last week she yelled from the back seat, “Moron!” Good luck!!

  33. Jessica says:

    Hey Constance,
    I’m 23 and while not a Mom, I work at a community centre and am surrounded by kids. My favourite “bad word” is crap-in-a-hat. I find that because it’s longer than words like “fudge” or “shoot” it’s much more gratifying to say. I also say “Oh, poop”, “frig” and “holy crap” quite often. But nothing feels as good as crap-in-a-hat.

  34. Jes says:

    No kids for me, but have many nephews and where I work my potty mouth is very inapropiate so I’ve come up with many of the many mentioned and am likely to use some of the ones here today. I had a potty mouth at a young age from listening to my parents and my older cousins to this day love to remind me of dropping the F bomb at 3 when I could not get the dress on the doll I was playing with.